Thursday, April 10, 2008

Treadmill Euphoria #2

You got the job. Not only did you get the job at the salary you asked for, you negotiated a better rate during your contract period, awesome.

What’s that smell?

Ok, things are starting to fall into place, what’s next, oh yeah, the roommate, shit.

Damn it to hell, what iiisss that smell?

Ugh, the roommate. I just can’t keep going like this, I need my house back and my TV.

Fuck, who is farting, man that is just nasty, be considerate.

I wonder if when I get my boob job how much they will bounce when I run. That’s going to be annoying, I mean look at them now, they don’t even move with my sports bra. I’m going to have to get a really good sports bra when I get my Cs.

Damn it to hell! Who is farting? It has to be that guy right next to me! Stomping on the treadmill like he is fucking Forest Gump! Run Forest, RUN!

When will my runner’s high happen. I’ve been at it now for 20 minutes. I’m going to push a bit.

Oh, no he didn’t, oh god, he did and he saw that I saw. I can’t believe he just adjusted himself to that degree while running next to me, look away, quickly, pretend you did not see. He knows I know. Fuck, I almost fell, he is distracting me. Awkward!

That smell again, how can I expect to have my orgasm with that smell?

Turn music up, aw yeah, J.T. Baby!

Ah, Aw, Oh, YES! Damn Girl! YES! FINALLY!!! Tingles, rush, release.

Oh yeah, that was good.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

See C?

So I am seriously contemplating a “Breast Augmentation”. Yup, I want a boob job. I’m tired of being so god damn flat, “but you have such a great personality…” bullshit! I want boobs. Maybe I’m vain, maybe I’m insecure, whatever, I want C’s.

I have a good friend who had the procedure done a year ago. I got to see her over the weekend and she has beautiful breasts. She has a build a tad smaller than mine and she underwent enhancement and obtained C’s. They are soooo lovely.

I have a lot of support to undergo this enhancement. I have my parents, daughter and even my grandmother rooting for me to acquire this much more voluptuous self. How can I not listen to my sweet grandma? “you should have done long time ago, maybe you keep man around”. (in my best Japanese accent) Seriously!

Last night I sat with Mr. Kendall Jackson and had deep thoughts; Floors or boobs? Car or boobs? More savings or boobs? It’s such a dilemma.

Armed with my new iPod shuffle (see,it would have never worked) and fashion conscious workout clothes (pink of course) I headed to the gym today determined to transform my body into something more suitable to show off C’s. I’m thinking that if this is motivation to get that stellar body I’ve been wanting, surely I can gift myself with a stellar pair of tatas, tits, jugs, melons, milk jugs, babaloos, gobstoppers……..

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Top 5 Things to do in Vegas

5. Dress Up

I don’t mean prom dresses here, I mean pick a theme and run with it. We chose to go 70’s style. I picked up a cute authentic 70’s orange dress and paired it with some big orange hoop earrings. I was feeling a bit self conscience at first since the moment I bent over I was exposing more than I cared too but I quickly learned how to gracefully do what I needed without mooning everyone. I had the makeup and hair to match and I have to admit, I looked hot in a crazy 70’s way.

4. Drink Pina Coladas by the Pool Side

This is a luxury I do not posses and I thoroughly enjoyed it. 78 degrees, sipping on a Pina Colada, surrounded by beautiful people and the sweet, sweet voice of my boy. What more could a girl ask for? This was my 2 hour Heaven.

3. Watch the Light Show on Fremont…lying down.

We went to the original Vegas Strip on Fremont Street. Granted it was ghetto and all the cottonheads hung out there but it was a lot cheaper and had as much energy as the main strip.
There is this canopy of lights on Fremont Street and a show is performed about every 45 minutes or so. The canopy is way up in the sky so you have to look up to watch the show. After about 2 minutes of cranking my neck to watch this show, I decided to lie down. Sure, it’s a Vegas sidewalk and it’s dirty with lord knows what, but I thought to myself, I’m human and I’m washable, what the hell it’s Vegas. So I watched the rest of the show on my back. It was such a better experience. By the time the next show started we had other people lying down too. I’m telling you folks, don’t think about it, just do it it’s such a better experience.

2. Play Poker

Playing poker can be an intimidating experience if you’ve never done it before. I did get a crash course and actually took second in a poker tournament right before I left for Vegas, BUT it still is not as scary as I thought it would be. What I learned is it’s not the winning, it’s enjoying the social aspect of poker. You meet a lot of people and it’s entertaining to just watch. Of course winning is always fun, especially when you are the only woman at the table.

Drumroll please.........


Walk the strip with a Banana

Yup you read that right folks. This banana which we now all know as Wilson, an inspiration from the Volleyball in Cast away was more entertaining than watching grown men in blue paint. It wasn’t just the banana it was the person carrying the banana, only he could pull this off. I anxiously waited for the first person to actually not laugh it off and just punch him in the face but it never happened. He pointed this banana at people, ran up to innocent bystanders taking family photos and posed happily with these unsuspecting victims. They will always remember the crazy guy with the banana and I will always remember the following quotes that you will only hear in Vegas while carrying a banana down the strip ;

“Sir,no bananas are allowed on the table”
“Sir, please remove your banana from the table”
“Man, he’s gettin banana juice all over the place”

And the best quote Eva in Vegas:

Damn! That mothafucka'z ripe!”