Thursday, March 20, 2008

Slowly Awaking

I have spent the last 5 years in a coma. I think I actually started slipping into the deep sleep of denial before that, but I know the last 5 years I let everything I was and wanted to be, slip away. It was just easier and natural for me to allow myself to get lost in the people I cared about rather than worry about my needs and wants.

No more.

I found myself in the same position I have continued to give into after all these years. I fell and I fell hard. Before I knew it I had lost myself, again, or so I thought. While I freaked out because I thought I had lost myself, I realized that by letting go to something I was firmly holding on to, I found my liberation. It was hard and painful, but I knew it wasn’t right, not now, maybe not ever. I no longer gave up me to accommodate (fill in the blank).

I have never felt as awake as I did cleaning my garage today. I was accomplishing a long over due task, the first of several and it felt good. He released me, I released us and I finally said yes, this is for me and I deserve it.

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