Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Partially Empty Nest

I thought being a mother would be the hardest job I would ever have. Having my first child at 17 and my second at 19 was the beginning of some great challenges in my life. Don’t get me wrong, parenting does have its rewards, but damn, it’s hard. I never know if what I do is right, or if it’s going to put my children in therapy for the rest of their adult lives. Every choice I make will affect my children. The choices I make for them and the choices I make for me.

The course of my life has taken some interesting turns, detours, and jumps. I really thought right now I would be living my happily ever after. I didn’t think I would be a single parent of two teenagers, trying to maintain my career and not forget my dreams.

To be honest, I fantasize about the day my children will be young adults ready to conquer their hopes and dreams of independence. This is only 5 short years away. I know they will still need me, but the everyday cooking, cleaning and homework will be no more. Can you blame me?

The 5 years I thought I had has now turned into just weeks for my youngest. I have had to make a very hard decision that I feel in my heart will be the best decision I can make for him. He is at a challenging age in which any 13 year old boy could really use his father. His father lives a considerable distance which will make this transition very painful. Again, it is what is best, I know this, but it really, really hurts.

For all the dirty diapers, colic, broken limps, and helping them cope with broken hearts, the hardest job I will ever have is letting them go.

Monday, November 26, 2007

FO, I Rule!

Yes! I rule I have a some FO's to post with pictures!

2 month Anthropologie Shrug!

Eh, 2 months is not bad

1 year socks!!

Ok, so some projects take me longer than others. The socks just came at a bad time in my life and I just could not focus on them. They are my first pair of toe up socks so I had some learnin to do. Anyhow, DONE!

3 Year Scarf!!

This scarf I started in 2005 on an Italy trip. My skills were not at the appropriate level at the time to understand what was required for this pattern that came from Little Box of Scarves. So after many meltdowns, tears, and given up, I picked it up again, and again, year after year and finally understood.Eureka!!

Friday, November 16, 2007

Sniff, Gulp, Click

The evening started out with a an older gentleman on the other end of the line; “No ma’am we are not meeting tonight, but come round in December as we are having our Holiday Potluck”. It’s not like I even really made up my mind if I was going to go to the Mineral and Geology club meeting tonight anyway, but still it was an option, really the only option I had for any social activity on a Friday evening.

Fine. Plan B.

The time I spent at the bookstore was really nice and peaceful. I picked up a few magazines covering all of the topics I enjoy; Jewelry Design, Retro Crafting, MetalSmith and Rock & Minerals, sat down and thumbed threw each one carefully knowing I could only choose one or two to take home with me. I am a magazine addict. I know this and I almost have it under control. I chose my one magazine, Rock & Minerals and found one book, cashed out and headed home.

Safeway stop. Aged Irish White Cheddar, Italian Dry Salami, Ritz Crackers, and woops, a Martha Stewart Magazine. No, I do not like MS, but I do like the ideas in her magazine, and remember I am an addict. Don’t hate the person, hate the illness.

Home. Open a bottle of wine, arrange my snack, gather my magazines and knitting to set myself up for this quality “alone time”. The intention is to throw in an Audrey Hepburn Classic, sit back, finish a knitting project and bookmark interesting articles for later reading in my magazines.

Damn it to hell! The DVD player is not working. Freakin piece of crap! There goes the Audrey idea. So, I flick through the cable and land on Ghost Whisperer. I typically do not watch this show, but on occasion I will because Jennifer Love-Hewitt is just so cute. This episode concluded with a little girl and her father finding resolution to the death of their mother/wife. Yes, I cried. To my defense, it was a very traumatic. The father was holding on to his wife as she dangled from a cliff that would take her life if he let her go. The daughter came running down to save her mother, stumbled and began to plummet to her death. Had her father not let go of his wife who gave him that reassuring “it’s ok to kill me for our child” look but still dramatically screamed and flailed about as she fell to her death, he would have lost their child. See, very sad, and I didn’t stop there. I proceeded to watch Beaches. This is a movie about two best friends. It ends with one of them dead. Why stop now? I’m on a roll.

Depressing or relishing? It’s two-fold. I couldn’t even make a date with the Geek Club, but I did get in a good, much needed cry and finished the Anthropologie Caplet, FINALLY!!

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Monday, November 12, 2007

Self Pics Suck

I don't want to admit it, but I'm getting into this blogger thing. I know it might look ugly right now, but I'm experimenting with the lame "customization" tools blogger offers. Yes, lame, but I’ve tapped into the HTML... muahhahahaha! Bring it bitch!

Oh, and thanks to persistent nagging and bugging of one Casey (ha, ha linked you!) I have a pic. For the record I hate taking pictures of myself backed to a wall, framing it just right so no one can see my messy house and terrible profile to post on a site for the whole world to see because I am dellusional and think the whole word even sees are cares to visit my blog, shot.

Post it and they will come he says. Whatever, it’s there and I’m done with this conversation.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Boobs, Jewels, and a Wise Man

So, I lied, the anthropologie shrug is not yet complete. I noticed it looked kind of small. I had hopes that after blocking, it would be a tad bigger. It was a tad bigger and it fits me great, but I made it for my daughter and although we are of the same build, she has a great blessing, or should I say two great blessings that make what fits me, not fit her. Yes, my daughter, all of 15 has been blessed with brains, beauty and boobs. I can say she got the brains and perhaps some of the beauty from me, but come on!!

It’s so not fair. It takes work and a Wonder Bra for me to create an appearance that does not fit the profile of a 12 year old boy. Here I am, practically in a head stand praying that gravity will work WITH me and not against me as a pull and tug and lift my boobs up on the little padded seats ingeniously built into the Wonder Bra to create that appearance of happy perkiness and hoping that when I assume the upright position I’m not “Wondering” why my boobs insist on slipping under the seats. Ah, to be blessed with “athletic” style boobs, except I don’t have the body to fit. I always try to convince myself I don’t want a boob job. Instead, I’ll work out like a maniac to create an athletic body to go with my “athletic” boobs, she says enthusiastically. Ummm, right. I can see the gym from where I work, I... just...can't...quite...make it...over...there.

I’m happy to announce I am still a Rockin Jewelry Designer. Honestly, I totally have red carpet design ability. I mean, I don’t want to toot my own horn, but honk, honk! Ok, that was lame, but I have been breakin out them skillz this week. Hopefully I’ll stop being a loser and actually start selling my work again. It’s not a lack of motivation that keeps me in loser status. I have a lot going on in my life right now so I try to not beat myself up too much about it. I have presented myself with that “fork in the road” if you will. Choose this as a hobby or an occupation, but you have to choose. I tried to choose hobby, but I’m just too damn good at this to let it go to waste, and I love to do it. I’m not looking to make millions of dollars. That is not important to me. I want to have a comfortable life doing what I love and what I have passion for.

“Find a job you love and you will never work a day in your life”- Confucius

That Confucius character was on to something, I think.